Comrade V. S., the red son of revolution bid farewell to the people of Kerala. His legacy will be etched in the memory of thousands forever. Coming generations might wonder on his life. This is personal, it hurts. Not many politicians feels like kin, but there he was. Dedicating his whole life to the party, a leader who knew the beats of his people. I called mom today, we spoke about him, just two sentences, “Are you sad at his demise?” ” No I am not“. I know my dad would be sad too. He was quite upset when LDF won the lection in 2010s and Comrade Vijayan became the CM. He used to say the CM position will be cursed by the old man, if not given to him. Many Keralites actually wanted him to be in the limelight. He is one of the few people liked by everyone. Who did not like “Achummaman” after all! He will remain legendary in the history of Kerala and his untiring revolutionary visions will guide the ones yet to come. I grew up hearing his stories, stubbornness to stand by the people and lived while he was CM and opposition leader of the state. I am glad I lived to see you working for the working class. “Lalsalaam Comrade!”
Blog
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On the days I feel lonely
It feels like the world is crashing around me.
And I’m trying desperately to seek out the warmth,
Among the masala flavors, in the sweetness.
I was told I did not meet expectations.
I want to shut the world out of the door.
This night I’ll be lonelier, as I try to fall asleep,
Since the shoulder I can rely on is miles away.
When did I start measuring my value,
weighing down others’ expectations?
Life feels like a competition and
Everyone’s darting ahead. while I feel lost.
Every cell in my body want to scream
Maybe curse too, to pacify my anxious mind.
Today I do not have a shoulder to lean on.
And I do not have the ears that can listen.
What I have is my crumbled ego
And the stubborn perseverance, to continue
To go on, despite what comes ahead.
The will to see the sun, rising everyday
And to smile back at the younger me
Whispering “you did well”.
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Random thoughts on a midsummer noon
I am eternally grateful to my foremothers…. I mean it.
All the women who walked ahead of me, with me. Some, decades ago. Some, I have seen. Some, I only heard about. The great grand mother who ended up a victim of Alzheimer’s, the one continued walking away from home until she was found and brough back, again and again. My own grandmother, who grieved for her two adolescent children, while nurturing nine others sanely. My mother, who complained of her life half the time, still showing up with her charismatic smile, never withering.
Yeah, at times women are women’s foe, yet their existence paved the paths we tread on today. Small sacrifices, small steps, all gravitating towards a catastrophic challenge to the patriarchy. And today I no longer need the ‘permission’ of a male guardian to go out. I can have all the freedom I have, to learn, to react, though at times lips do talk behind my back.
I had an aunt who once reminded me not to mention my female cousin returned home late at night, to anyone. She had confidence in her daughter, hated how eyebrows were raised if the family knew. We all knew they had the information, unless there is a spark none dared to confront. They all knew she came home late from work. They knew she loved her work. They will keep quiet, until one day something terrible happens and they can point their fingers, to her, to her mother and sister, for letting her ‘loose’ as if she was an animal, to their heart’s content.
The same aunt criticized me for conduct, faith and my choices, including the length of my hair. Somewhere she had ingrained patriarchy which mandated a woman with long hair worth the approval of society. I hope she is happy wherever she is. And life do justice to her for her sufferings under patriarchy. But she has been vocal about liberation of woman. Advocating how it is not the responsibility of women to take care of the in-laws, and in many circumstances she has been strong and loud with her opinions. That is why I like her. I do not want her to make comments on my life without knowing what I go through, but I do appreciate her wisdom. A wisdom acquired by raising a generation of woman, strong and independent. To many more women crossing my path, I want to learn new perspectives and tools to navigate this world. And I hope I do the same to my younger ones, being someone’s foremother one day
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Ending 2024- a note of gratitude
2024 is ending. Best things happened this year. All I wanted was one single person I can rely on, who can rely on me as well. Someone who will understand me, lead me when I am at my lows and follow me when I lead the way. I wish, I really wish I had met you a lot sooner, but we were fated to meet at this point where we are what we are. It took seven long years to align our paths together. I do not have regrets of not introducing us to each other then. I wish we were together to watch this rain together.
Dear Pooh, I am happy for us, I am glad I could bring butterflies in you and am glad I am the butterfly for you. I cannot stop thinking of a day where we stroll around holding hands, or grooving to the music enjoying each other’s company. I consider myself the luckiest ever for finding you. I do not believe in together forever, still I hope we stay together for a long time. With this I am ending my 2024 on a happy note and warmly welcome 2025.
The World of Sho 