I am eternally grateful to my foremothers…. I mean it.
All the women who walked ahead of me, with me. Some, decades ago. Some, I have seen. Some, I only heard about. The great grand mother who ended up a victim of Alzheimer’s, the one continued walking away from home until she was found and brough back, again and again. My own grandmother, who grieved for her two adolescent children, while nurturing nine others sanely. My mother, who complained of her life half the time, still showing up with her charismatic smile, never withering.
Yeah, at times women are women’s foe, yet their existence paved the paths we tread on today. Small sacrifices, small steps, all gravitating towards a catastrophic challenge to the patriarchy. And today I no longer need the ‘permission’ of a male guardian to go out. I can have all the freedom I have, to learn, to react, though at times lips do talk behind my back.
I had an aunt who once reminded me not to mention my female cousin returned home late at night, to anyone. She had confidence in her daughter, hated how eyebrows were raised if the family knew. We all knew they had the information, unless there is a spark none dared to confront. They all knew she came home late from work. They knew she loved her work. They will keep quiet, until one day something terrible happens and they can point their fingers, to her, to her mother and sister, for letting her ‘loose’ as if she was an animal, to their heart’s content.
The same aunt criticized me for conduct, faith and my choices, including the length of my hair. Somewhere she had ingrained patriarchy which mandated a woman with long hair worth the approval of society. I hope she is happy wherever she is. And life do justice to her for her sufferings under patriarchy. But she has been vocal about liberation of woman. Advocating how it is not the responsibility of women to take care of the in-laws, and in many circumstances she has been strong and loud with her opinions. That is why I like her. I do not want her to make comments on my life without knowing what I go through, but I do appreciate her wisdom. A wisdom acquired by raising a generation of woman, strong and independent. To many more women crossing my path, I want to learn new perspectives and tools to navigate this world. And I hope I do the same to my younger ones, being someone’s foremother.
The World of Sho 